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  • Writer's pictureL.R.

Attachment Theory

Updated: Jan 29

We start developing an attachment style as an infant, it’s first formed by the way you bond with your caregivers and continues to develop throughout childhood.

People generally form attachment is 1 of 4 ways.

Couple holding hands while walking

The first is the anxious type who often seeks approval, reassurance, and worries that the other person is not as invested as they are. There’s often a strong fear of abandonment. It can lead to being clingy or demanding, being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. It can make you feel very preoccupied with the relationship.

Next we have the avoidant/ (or dismissive): This person tends to be more independent, think they don’t need relationships or help, are often uncomfortable with intimacy or commitment-phobic.

The third type is fearful (or disorganized): there’s a strong desire for closeness and conscious need to have deep relationships but also fear abandonment which means their behaviors are often erratic and they have unpredictable moods, at one moment they can smother their partner, the next they need their space.

The previous 3 were all insecure styles, and the last is the Secure attachment style, associated with healthy relationships, expressing emotions openly. The secure type thrives in relationships but also doesn’t fear not being in one, more importantly they don’t depend on reassurance from partners and tend to have a positive view of themselves.

Having more awareness about your own style helps when you want to change certain behaviors that you’re noticing. Once you link the behaviors to your attachment, you can then challenge any unhelpful beliefs so that you can have better relationships.

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